have you ever come at all close to buying a passage on a
tramp steamer to the horse latitudes, taking only a typewriter
and some travelers’ checks?
(BELLIVEAU, 7/30/87 23:18)

she never asked me, the rafe-man, boy of the streets, boston
street love dynamo, friend of the little man, hero to thousands,
mentor to young, healthy, confused sophomore co-ed
English majors, brother of the wild goose, old scout from the hills.
(ALVAREZ, 8/01/87 20:07)

unless these picnic tickets sell, the guild will be decertified
and you all will be sold into slavery.
(COPY EDITORS, GUTHRIE, 6/18/88 0:55)

Re your msg of 6/18 ‘‘the guild will be decertified and you all
will be sold into slavery…’’: How could we tell?
(COPY EDITORS, AUERWECK, 6/18/88 0:58)

your masters would worry about food and rest for you.
(COPY EDITORS, FAITH, 6/18/88 0:58)

i have seatbelts on the floor at my house.
(FAITH, 6/30/88 19:14)

oooooooh. . . i thought that was in answer to yet another
question, which i guess i didn’t ask.  anyway, speaking of
inquisitions was all.  and pliers.  and weird languages. do you
have a soldering iron?
(CLAIRE, 7/06/88 17:55)

I tremble for the future of the Republic.
(J.MCINTYRE, 7/14/88 22:45)

drat the luck!  spell-check is down, and i have a 100-inch
profile of mr. tuckship.
(AUERWECK, 7/14/88 23:40)

Re your msg of 7/15 ‘‘Set phasers on KILL.’’: or ‘tuna melt’
(MATTIX, 7/15/88 23:50)

Re your msg of 7/20 ‘‘Ngang ngang ngang ngang ngang
ngang ngang ngang ngang ngang…’’: try doubling the lithium.
(AUERWECK, 7/20/88 21:26)

NGANG NGANG NGANG NGANG NGANG NGANG NGANG
NGANG NGANG NGANG
(J.MCINTYRE, 7/20/88 21:27)

‘‘The system recycles all organic wastes, purifying them
biologically and then using them as nutrients.’’
gunts uses a similar system with real-estate notes.
(AUERWECK, 7/28/88 19:24)

i am ordering a gross of whips, wooden chairs and .357
pistols.  How many will you need?
(FAITH, 9/13/88 19:52)

‘‘A pound of latex makes 60 gloves, but nearly 300
condoms.’’   by an odd coincidence, 60 gloves also makes 300
condoms, if you’re resourceful.
(AUERWECK, 9/14/88 19:52)

yes, mr. dresser and i are going to do the old sawing-the-
man-in-two magic trick.  the trick is — he doesn’t know that i
know nothing about magic.   AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
(GUTHRIE, 9/21/88 18:03)

catchline involves destroyer with crew of 300 that will be
here for months.  would ‘Good news / for whores’ be acceptable
as a hed?
(GUTHRIE, 9/28/88 20:32)

‘‘Is that a Business Profile, or are you just glad to see me?’’
(J.MCINTYRE, 1/03/89 19:52)

gunts: well, i don’t want to move those grafs up:  pollick: i
don’t think it’s a matter of moving anything up, we’ll just
move this other part down.
(GUTHRIE, 1/05/89 19:27)

Ursula and I are running off to Jost Van Dyke and marrying
Rastafarians.  Tell Andy, will you?
(BELLIVEAU, 2/22/89 18:11)

tell me something funny
(LIU, 3/31/89 19:33)

alternatively, shoot me in the head
(LIU, 3/31/89 19:33)

am i a metroid, editoid or paranoid?
(BARBIERI, 4/17/89 18:52)

‘‘After getting off the bus minutes later at Hamburg and Light Streets, he heard something in his trousers explode and saw a trail of red smoke pouring from his right pocket.’’
                    heard?
(AUERWECK, 5/10/89 20:09)

Well, this IS odd. There doesn’t seem to be anyone here today whom I really despise.
(J.MCINTYRE, 5/21/89 19:40)

‘‘MOSCOW (AP) – Workers kept pumping gas into a leaking
pipeline for nearly an hour after it already had blown to
pieces.’’
  sort of a metaphor for the business desk / copy desk relationship.
(AUERWECK, 6/06/89 16:52)

Times Mirror is not a signatory to the Geneva Convention.
(J.MCINTYRE, 6/21/89 18:52)

ever feel like you have a secret tattoo on your head that says: waste my time?
(LIU, 6/27/89 17:50)

DESTROY EVERYTHING! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!  NO QUARTER!  Oh.  Sorry.
(J.MCINTYRE, 7/12/89 18:15)

AM-Advisory,004
  Eds: Unconscious editor in Baltimore files 1,000 inches of copy.  AM-Spun Gold upcoming
(LEVENE, 7/14/89 0:06)

please don’t forget that our editing goal of the week is to get the term ‘lapdog’ into every story we print.  thanks
(LIU, 7/24/89 17:42)

i’ve lost my will to edit.
(AUERWECK, 7/28/89 20:32)

i could do this job faster by myself.
(FAITH, 7/29/89 20:02)

why do they make me work the night desk on full moon nights?
(MEREDITH, 8/17/89 0:11)

Philadelphia convention schedule:
September 19-20 Waste Expo ’89 Solutions
September 22-24 Natural Food Expo
i think there’s a story here.
(AUERWECK, 8/17/89 19:10)

Re your msg of 8/17 ‘‘Philadelphia convention schedule:’’  i
think i’d want to look very closely at the recipes….
(MENZIE, 8/17/89 19:15)

Re your msg of 8/17 ‘‘Philadelphia convention schedule:’’ it’s
enough to drive a man to eat oat bran.
(M.DRESSER, 8/17/89 19:18)

it’s called the carbon cycle.
(TRIPOLI, 8/17/89 19:20)

‘‘Some roads with holes 20 feet wide and 10 feet deep will
remain impassable until they can be repaired….’’ --- no shit.
(TRIPOLI, 8/19/89 18:53)

‘‘ ‘‘Nobody wants to think about Mrs. Helmsley’s underwear,’’
Ms. Seibel told the jury. ’’
speak for yourself
(GUTHRIE, 8/23/89 23:01)

am i the only person who gets a kick out of palindromic take
nos?
(MEREDITH, 9/06/89 21:35)

pls fill in and return. I am ( ) glad ( ) sorry, ( ) apathetic now that I have heard your response, which I found ( ) sarcastic, informative, ( ) irritating ( ) rewarding ( ) none of the above ( ) all of the above.
(POLLICK, 10/05/89)

Re your msg of 1/03 ‘‘before or after showering with the dog?
(LIU, 1/03/90 18:58)…’’:   this rim frightens me…
(MATTIX, 1/03/90 18:59)

Re your msg ‘‘[BRF—Swans] ‘swanway25’ moved to ‘TEL
SLOT’…’’: shit. i was expecting something proustian
(DERF, 2/24/90 20:48)

years of frantic psychiatric intervention might, might help
you
(YOUNGBLOOD, 3/08/90 322:30)

b6.1.2:
Rabbi passes gas for use in Kosher Passover Pepsi Cola
     and to think germani is leaving, just when she shows so
much potential.
(AUERWECK, 3/27/90 21:19)

i know this has come up before, but i can’t remember
ruling – in tight hed, can we refer to Supreme Court as ‘The
Supremes’?
(GUTHRIE, 4/30/90 20:52)

i love it when you say ‘goatish’
(LIU, 5/02/90 19:00)

Line 1  Market surge spills
Line 2  into second day, lifting
Line 3  Dow 8.07 to new high
      wow.  i think i’d like a cigarette now.
(AUERWECK, 5/30/90 20:21)

sorry.  i deserve to be punished.  i have the leather in my car.
(K.JONES, 6/23/90 18:39)

‘‘Over the windows are Colonial keystone lentils, and ….’’
(BAYNE, 9/13/90 20:49)

i pulled a groin muscle today.  fortunately, it wasn’t mine.
(K.JONES, 3/19/91 17:33)

‘‘A Wall Street Journal article about Safeway Inc. that was
sharply criticized by the grocery chain as so biased ‘‘it defies
reasonable discussion’’ won a Pulitzer Prize Tuesday.’’
  so, what about our series about giant food?
(GUTHRIE, 4/09/91 19:03)

Well, we may not have got a Pulitzer, but we did get ‘‘Best
Five-Part Blow Job to an Advertiser by a Newspaper with
Circulation Exceeding 100,000 Published Between Wilmington
and Harpers Ferry’’
(J.MCINTYRE, 4/9/91 19:06)

‘‘CANTON, Ga. (AP) – A man was gored to death Thursday by
the 100-pound goat he had been beating in an effort to make
the animal mean, authorities said.’’
   SUN APPOINTS GOAT MANAGING EDITOR
(J.MCINTYRE, 5/16/91   23:12)

A cardinal rule from the Code for Criminals: Never try to rob someone who is on a newspaper salary. All you will get is prac­tice.
(CLAIRE, 1/10/92 13:50)

This place is a zoo with damaged animals.
(CLAIRE, 9/01/92 20:04)

I’m an utter moron, and would be so grateful if you would hire a
tow truck to pull my head out of my ass. THANKS! (B------, 9/10/92 9:37)
from the messages i would like to see dept.
(AUERWECK, 9/10/92 11:20)

‘‘  AM-MailBombing, 0465
Maimed Professor: ‘‘One Decent Typing Hand and an Intact Head’’ All I Need  ’’
    FANTASTIC! A copy editor you can keep in a filing cabinet!
(AUERWECK, 8/12/93 18:44)

‘‘She is not afraid to bawl out teen-agers using fowl language …’’   sigh.
i won’t even bother to tell you about the ‘‘Mount Zion Untied Methodist Church.’’
(MATTIX, 2/11/94 22:48)

‘‘Don’t call them vaginas and penises. Forget Latin words and por­nographic slang. Try Sanskrit – yoni and lingam ­–  or Taoist ex­pressions like ‘‘valley of bliss’’ and ‘‘wand of light.’’
i’m afraid to go to rite aid to buy flashlight batteries.
(AUERWECK, 3/07/94 10:49)

i guess i’m one step away from putting the cat in the microwave
(FRIEDLAND, 7/7/94 13:56)

among bankruptcies, a restaurant named Ribs & Things
(BAYNE, 5/10/96 20:51)

‘‘The European Commission voted last week to ease the ban on ex­ports of three British beef byproducts — gelatine, tallow, and bull semen. (BAYNE, 6/11/96 0:09)’’

i guess that new british restaurant will finally be able to open at harborplace.

(AUERWECK, 6/11/96 8:30)

‘‘In its song are the sounds of whirring dragonfly wings and grasses rustling in the hot spring wind: ‘‘Tchi—tchi—tchi, jyuuuu jyuuuuu jyuuuuu jyuuuuuu.’’
(P.CLARK, 7/06/96 18:00)

erotic (adj.): using a feather as a sex aid
kinky (adj.): using the whole duck
(AUERWECK, 10/18/96 13:11)

‘‘Few things cut tension better than climbing a tree while a col­league holds you up by your pants.’’
even so, i think i’d like to try the other things first
(LEVENE, 11/08/96 17:58)